The Fine Print
by Mango Madness
Summary: Vegeta finally becomes immortal, but after taking extreme action to prove it, he finds out that maybe he was better off staying mortal . . .
1. Chapter 1: Immortality at Last!

Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and related characters are copyrighted by Bird Studios/Shueisha, Toei Animation. Licensed by FUNimation Productions, Inc. But hey, I can fantasize, can't I?

Author's Note: Whee! This is my first multi-chapter story! Don't worry, though, it's not going to be an epic; it'll probably be 3, maybe four chapters at most. At any rate, this is another strange story in that some of the characters' behavior might be OOC, but there's nothing too extreme. You won't see Goku trying to count to 10 and lose count, or Vegeta prancing around in a tutu (although I'm sure some of you would enjoy that ^_^). But there's moments of . . . stuff. Anyhow, here it is!

Time Period: Just after the Buu Saga (so everyone's the same age as pre-Buu, Goku's alive now, etc.)

The Fine Print

Chapter 1: Immortality at Last!

Vegeta lay in bed next to Bulma, eyes closed and feigning sleep. He studied the darkness behind his eyelids as he monitored Bulma's ki, waiting for her to fall into a solid sleep. His breathing was remarkably low and even as he waited despite the frantic adrenaline coursing through his body. _Ha ha,_ he thought, smirking in the darkness. _And everyone says that I'm so high-strung. Hmpf, I can be calm if there's enough riding on it._

Within a few more minutes, the remaining murmurs of consciousness slipped away from Bulma's mind and her ki dropped to match. Ecstatic, Vegeta snapped his eyes open and popped out of bed in a flash, accidentally tripping over his shoes on the floor and getting jabbed in the side by the corner of the end table. He collapsed to the floor, hands clamped over his mouth to contain his reflexive outburst. _DAAAAMMMMMMMN!!!!!!!!_ he screamed in his mind. He bit his lip, fighting the urge to incinerate his shoes, the end table, and maybe the whole side of the building. After a few more moments of mental swearing and a couple audible un-Saiyanlike whimpers, he got to his feet and stripped, growling softly at Goku, who he was sure was somehow responsible for what just happened; as far as he was concerned, Goku was the source of all his misfortunes. After pulling on a matte black spandex suit and boots, he crept over to the window and, checking for any suspicious kis nearby, flew out the window. He chuckled to himself as he flew. Not too long ago, he had stolen the dragon radar from Bulma's lab and located all seven Dragonballs. Before returning the radar, he scattered the Dragonballs in locations that he had memorized, then laid low until tonight.

_And this time,_ he thought, _I'm finally going to get what I want, and all thanks to ingenious planning on my part. No Kakarot and his stupid ideas, no dressing up in Bulma's clothing, no embarrassing humiliation in front of every baka I've ever met on this mudball planet . . . just me and immortality!_ He laughed out loud, pleased with himself and giddy with anticipation.

It did not take Vegeta long to locate all the hidden Dragonballs; he had taken care to bury most of them, or place them where they would not be disturbed. In fact, except for the Dragonball that he had to arm-wrestle a Tyrannosaurus Rex for (it was a quick match), he collected them without difficultly. Finally, taking all seven balls, he flew off far to a clearing where he was sure that he would not be bothered.

Vegeta laid the pulsing orbs on the grass and stepped back, grinning and waiting for Shen Long to appear. When nothing happened after a few seconds, he became antsy to the point that a forgotten facial tic came back to life and started to make his eyelid twitch uncontrollably. "What's wrong? Do these need a password too?" He knelt down by the Dragonballs, frantically looking for instructions. "N-no, I've waited forever for this moment. I need immortality! Give me immortality, you stupid dragon!"

A blast of light shot out of the Dragonballs and threw Vegeta into a tree. Lightning crackled through the night sky and after a moment, Shen Long appeared, rubbing his eyes. "What the hell? What fool has summoned me at two in the morning?"

Vegeta extracted himself from the remains of the tree, angry. "I have, baka! How dare you throw me like that! I'm your master!"

The dragon squinted down at Vegeta, then rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's you. Who really summoned me?"

Vegeta boiled in fury. "I did, you idiot! Just me! No one else!"

"Really." Shen Long glanced around. "I think I'll wait a few minutes until Goku shows up. I hate granting wishes that I have to take back the next second."

Vegeta growled viciously. "Kakarot's not coming, you big lizard! Now obey me and grant my wish!"

The dragon sighed. "I have no choice. Immortality, if I remember correctly?"

Vegeta put his fists on his hips and smirked triumphantly. "Of course. No aging, no dying. Now do it!"

Shen Long sighed again. "As you wish." His red eyes glowed, and a column of light shot up around Vegeta and enveloped him. Vegeta could feel the energy rushing through every cell in his body. It felt like he was self-destructing but it felt revitalizing, intense. The sensation lasted for only a second, then the light vanished and Vegeta found himself standing in the clearing again. He looked down at his hands, confused. "Is that it?" He looked up hopefully at Shen Long. "Am I immortal?"

Shen Long nodded reluctantly. "Yes."

"I'm . . . immortal . . ." Vegeta said in awe. A huge grin spread across his face. "I'M IMMORTAL!" He laughed maniacally. "Yes! Finally, after all this time! Immortal am I! No age! No death! I can push myself to the edge and back, only to ever become stronger!" His eyes shot wide in realization. "Kakarot! I will surpass Kakarot! I'll crush him, shred him up, and eat him for breakfast! Like corn flakes, only bloodier! Kakarot raisin bran! Complete with eleven essential vitamins and minerals!" He giggled uncontrollably.

Shen Long cleared his throat with a loud rumble. "I hate to interrupt your insane rambling, but make your second wish."

Vegeta sat up from where he had collapsed on the ground. "A second wish?" he thought out loud, resting his chin in his hand. "I forgot about that." He tilted his head to the side, thinking. "Now that I've finally reached a major goal, what could I wish for? I want Kakarot destroyed but only by my hands . . . although wishing for Super Saiyan 3 _is_ tempting . . ."

The dragon rumbled impatiently. "I'm waiting."

Vegeta tapped his chin with an index finger. "Umm . . ." His fingers wandered over his face and he was hit with inspiration. "I know!" He stood up and looked down his nose at the dragon. The act was a feat in itself, considering that Shen Long was towering 50 or so feet over him. "For my second wish, lizard, I want you to eliminate my facial wrinkles."

Shen Long raised a brow ridge in confusion, then moved down and squinted at Vegeta's face. "I don't see anything."

Vegeta clenched his fists angrily. "They're there, all right!?" He jabbed the dragon in the snout with a finger. "Now get rid of them!"

Shen Long sighed and rolled his eyes once again. "Jeannie had it so much easier than this . . ." he muttered, coiling back up in the air. "So be it," he boomed and his eyes lit up once more.

After the light faded, Vegeta hurriedly felt his face. "Well, are they gone? Give me a mirror!"

"Sorry, you had your two wishes," the dragon said. "Farethee— nah, good-bye."

"Bastard!" Vegeta yelled as Shen Long exploded into light and the Dragonballs shot to all ends of the earth. He frowned as the sky settled and the stars became visible once more. "Oh well, at least I'm immortal now." He clenched his fists and looked down at them, feeling a new sense of energy coursing through his veins. A malicious grin spread across his face. "Wait 'til Kakarot gets a load of this."

* * *

To be continued in Chapter 2: "Vegeta Discovers 'The Fine Print'"


	2. Chapter 2: Vegeta Discovers 'The Fine P...

Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and related characters are copyrighted by Bird Studios/Shueisha, Toei Animation. Licensed by FUNimation Productions, Inc. Need I say more?

Author's Note: Sheez, I didn't realize that it's been _4 months_ since I posted "Unexpected Friendship"! No wonder people have been wondering if I had vanished! Well, now that classes are almost over, you should be seeing me more often. Also, I want to say thanks again to all you wonderful readers; I now have over 200 reviews for "What's a Kakarot?"! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

The Fine Print

Chapter 2: Vegeta Discovers "The Fine Print"

When Bulma woke the next morning, she was surprised to find Vegeta doing vertical push-ups in the living room. He moved up and down, balancing on three fingers alone on one hand. Surprisingly enough, he was not aiding himself with ki; he was able to balance this way strictly through his own strength and sense of equilibrium. When Bulma approached him, he turned his head to look at her. His eyes were unnaturally bright.

Bulma ran a hand through her sleep-mussed hair and frowned at her husband. "How long have you been up?"

Vegeta smirked at her. "Longer than you have. What is it now? Nine o' clock?"

Vegeta's energetic expression was getting on Bulma's nerves. Bulma folded her arms across her chest. "Why are you training in here? And why are you in such a good mood?"

"For your information, I'm not training, I'm just warming up for my sparring match today." Vegeta shifted his weight and changed hands, working on his other arm and shoulder.

Bulma raised an eyebrow at him, suspicious. "That still doesn't explain your mood. Did you finally reach Super Saiyan 3 now or something?"

"Not yet." Vegeta grinned enigmatically.

Bulma looked exasperated. "Are you horny?"

"What?!?" Vegeta froze in surprise and a scowl scrunched his features. "Hmpf. Horny. You humans have a one-tracked mind."

Bulma raised her eyebrows at him. "I wouldn't talk, Mr. Train-Eat-and-Sleep."

Vegeta huffed and resumed doing his push-ups. "No, I'm not horny. I've just . . . ascended to a new level in power. Different than Super Saiyan 3."

Bulma looked at him skeptically. "Um-hmm."

Vegeta moved in a flash, pinning Bulma's waist between his feet and hoisting her above his head. He grinned up at her as she squirmed in his grasp. "I could squish you like a burrito, woman."

Bulma gave up struggling and hung limply, looking down at Vegeta, who was surprisingly still balancing on only three fingers. "All right, all right, I believe you! But if you're going to get drunk on power, do it outside. I have work to do. Now put me down!"

Vegeta playfully bounced Bulma up and down on the soles of his feet. "Promise you'll make me a good breakfast?"

Bulma clutched onto Vegeta's feet, afraid of falling, although she knew that Vegeta would not let that happen . . . without catching her, at any rate. "Yes!" she retorted. "Now put me freaking down, circus boy!"

"Okay." Vegeta bounced her off to the side and caught her with his free hand. Bulma made fists and growled at him. Vegeta set her on the ground. "Now be a good little wench and make me my breakfast."

Furious, Bulma tried to kick Vegeta in the arm, but he caught her foot. "Careful," the Saiyan warned, still smirking. "You'll break your toes."

Bulma yanked her foot out of Vegeta's grasp. "Dammit, Vegeta, if I were a Saiyan, _you'd_ be the one that'd have to worry about broken bones." She turned and stomped towards the kitchen.

"Remember, I like my bacon crispy!" Vegeta called after her.

"Go to hell!" Bulma retorted.

"Been there! It was boring!"

Bulma snarled, a behavior that was usually restricted to Vegeta. Apparently, he was rubbing off on her more than she thought, and that made her even angrier. _Damn Vegeta,_ she thought. _He's arrogant and cranky one day, then cocky and childish the next. The man's got to be schizophrenic or something . . . and he's up to something right now, I'm sure. I wonder what it is._

* * *

After a satisfying breakfast (which Bulma served grudgingly and then promptly left), Vegeta sat himself in front of the television and waited for the tell-tale doorbell ring that would announce Goku's arrival. He would have waited outside but didn't want to appear overeager; he was the prince, not the peasant. Finally, one infomercial and several miscellaneous advertisements later, the doorbell rang. Vegeta jumped up, then paused. Goku never rang the doorbell only once— 

_DING-DONG! DING-DONG! DINGA-DINGA-DINGA-DI-DI-DI-DI-DI-DI— _

"Hold your pants on!" Vegeta shouted, marching up to the door and throwing it open.

— _ING-DONG!_ Goku let go of the doorbell and smiled broadly at Vegeta. "It's 'hold your horses', Vegeta," he corrected. "Or 'keep your pants on'. Not 'hold your pants on'."

Vegeta scowled up at Goku. "I didn't answer the door to discuss overused human expressions, Kakarot. Now, are you ready to spar?"

"Sure thing." Goku paused and looked intently at Vegeta. "Hey, there's something different about you."

A smirk crawled across Vegeta's face. "Really? What?"

Goku scratched his head in thought. "I think you have less forehead than the last time we sparred. You used Rogaine, right?"

Vegeta bashed Goku over the head. "Baka! For the last time, I am _not_ losing my hair! My royal genes include an unusually low widow's peak, understand!?"

Goku rubbed his head, his feelings hurt more than anything else. "Sorry, it's just— " His eyes widened again. "Hey, your face is smoother! There's less wrinkles between your eyebrows when your face is all skooshed up!"

Vegeta bit back a possible retort. "My, how perceptive of you, Kakarot. What do you think?"

"You look great!" Goku said, then wagged a finger at him. "Now, you better not frown anymore or those wrinkles are gonna come back with a _vengeance_!"

Vegeta scowled viciously at Goku. "Listen, are we going to spar . . . or _chat the rest of the day!?_"

"You're skooshing up your face . . ." Goku pointed out.

Vegeta bared his teeth and growled in warning. "Kakarot . . ."

"Okay, okay." Goku spread his hands in a friendly gesture and smiled. "It's just that you're so much fun to play with, 'Geta." He started to levitate into the air.

"Hmpf. You speak of me as if I'm a toy," Vegeta remarked, rising after Goku. He decided to change the subject, eager to spar and show off his new immortality. "So, do you have a place picked out, or we going to wander aimlessly again?"

"Nope," Goku replied as they flew away from Capsule Corp. "I found a good-sized clearing out in the forest. It should be perfect."

"Fine." They continued in silence. It was not long before Goku stopped and descended into the promised clearing. Vegeta touched down shortly after and waited while Goku warmed up.

_Buffoon,_ Vegeta thought, watching Goku. _He has no idea whose presence he's in; no idea how I've changed. Maybe I could just wait until I've survived several mortal wounds and my power's increased before I give him the news. That _would _be the best . . ._ He started drumming his fingers on his arm. _Yes, the best . . ._ He began tapping his foot. _Um-hmm. Yes. Right. Sure— _

"Arghhh!" Vegeta burst out. "I can't wait that long!"

Goku looked over at Vegeta, confused. "You okay, Vegeta?"

Vegeta excitedly ran up to Goku. "Listen Kakarot, I have something very monumental to tell you! Last night, I gathered the Dragonballs and summoned the Dragon and I finally got my wish! He granted me eternal life and youth!" When Goku only looked at him in shock, he repeated, "I'm immortal, Kakarot! I'm finally immortal now!"

Goku's expression turned sad and pitied. "Oh no, Vegeta, not again. I told Bulma she should've kept you on that medicine longer. You're hallucinating again."

Vegeta started to seethe. "I am _not_ hallucinating, you fool! It's true this time! I'm really immortal! I summoned the Dragon!"

Goku gave him a friendly smile. "Sure you did. Hey, why don't we go back and get something to eat? My stomach's rumbling." He reached towards the Saiyan prince.

Vegeta slapped his hand away. "You dumbass, don't treat me like that! I'll prove I'm telling the truth!" He backed up a few steps and spread his arms open. "Blast me right through the chest! Go ahead! Rip me apart!"

Goku shook his head. "No, you're confused right now. You're gonna get hurt."

Vegeta growled in exasperation. "Fine, I'll do it myself!" He turned his palms towards his chest and started gathering energy.

"Vegeta, no!" Goku cried, lunging forward. He grabbed Vegeta's wrists and yanked them to the sides. "Stop!"

"You baka, let go!" Vegeta shouted, straining against Goku's iron grip. "I'm immortal!"

"You're confused!" Goku pushed Vegeta against the ground, pinning his arms at his sides and trying to keep the struggling prince still. Vegeta, ever the stubborn person he was, would not give up so easily. Goku had to put his full weight on him, which was no easy state to maintain, as Vegeta started head-butting him, shouting insults in between.

"Vegeta, calm— OW!— down— OW!" Goku tried move his head out of reach without letting up any pressure but was unable to do so. "You're gonna— YOW!— knock yourself o-OWT!"

"You first!" Vegeta hit Goku again. "Bakayaro!"

Goku responded by turning Super Saiyan and pinning Vegeta's hands above his head with one hand and keeping his head down with the other.

"Bastard!" Vegeta shouted, turning Super Saiyan as well. Goku followed by going up to level 2, which Vegeta did too. Finally, Goku took the final step and transformed to level 3. Vegeta looked at the other Saiyan for a moment, then kicked him hard between the legs. Goku froze, paralyzed with pain and mouth open in shock. Snarling, Vegeta shoved him off and backed up before turning his palms towards himself again. "Watch this!" he shouted.

"V-Veg-g-geta!" Goku called from the ground, doubled over in pain.

Vegeta released the energy in a golden blast straight through his torso. His eyes widened in shock as the impact threw him backwards through the air. Dropping completely out of Super Saiyan, he landed on the ground and skidded to a halt.

"VEGETA, NO!!!" Goku ran over to the other Saiyan, his panic having overridden his pain. He dropped down on his knees and started shaking Vegeta by the shoulders. "NO! VEGETA!" After a few more moments, he finally gave up and quieted, sitting back on his haunches and dropping out of Super Saiyan. "Vegeta . . ." He swallowed hard. "I wasn't fast enough . . ." He glanced away, blinking rapidly. "What am I supposed to tell Bulma and Trunks?"

Vegeta chuckled hoarsely. "Tell them I want roast beef for lunch."

Goku's eyes shot to the size of dinner plates. "Vegeta, you're alive!" He grabbed the Saiyan and crushed him against his chest in a bear hug. "You're alive! I can't believe it! You're actually alive!"

Vegeta gasped for air. "Just because— I'm alive— doesn't mean— I'm not in pain!"

"Oops!" Goku let go of Vegeta, who slumped into a semi-seated position. "Wow, so I guess you really are immortal, huh?" His smile faded when Vegeta winced in pain. "Uh, you are going to _stay _alive, right?"

Vegeta glared up at him. "Of course, you boob. It's just been a while since I've been injured like this." He winced again. "It hurts like hell." He pushed himself into a standing position and forced a smirk. "I told you the Dragon granted my wish."

"Sorry," Goku said. "It's just . . . I was afraid you were having another episode or something . . ." He tried to stand up, but cringed in pain. "Owww," he whined. "Vegeta, why did you have to hit me there? That's a cheap shot. Even Frieza never did that."

Vegeta scowled and crossed his arms. "The moment you started treating me like a mental patient was the moment cheap shots became an option."

Goku whimpered. "Aw, I think I'm gonna need a senzu bean for this." Painfully, he managed to push himself into a standing position. "You need one too."

Vegeta sneered. "I should have two back at Capsule Corp, if you think you're injured that badly, Kakarot. Of course, if there's only one, then I get it. Come on!" With a burst of energy, he took off into the air.

"Vegeta, wait!" Goku called.

Vegeta braked and looked down at the other Saiyan. "What?"

Goku winced in pain. "Come back down. I'll teleport us home."

Vegeta sighed in exasperation and descended. "Savior of the entire universe and you can't take one hit to the groin. You're pathetic."

Goku frowned, but it came off as more of a pout. "Hey, you were Super Saiyan 2 when you hit me."

"And you were level three," Vegeta replied. He grudgingly let Goku put a hand on his shoulder. "Wuss."

A second later, the two Saiyans appeared in the living room of Capsule Corp. "All right," Vegeta said, pulling away from Goku. "You stay here and whimper; I'll get the senzu beans." Without waiting for Goku's reaction, Vegeta walked off to his and Bulma's bedroom. He located another one of his blue tank tops in his dresser and pulled it on, pausing to throw the other one away. Checking himself quickly in the mirror— _hmm, not bad except for the depression in the middle of my chest— _he went over to his end table and looked through the top drawer for the senzu beans. When he finally located the little container he usually kept them in, he was surprised to find it empty. _What the hell!?_ He started tearing things out of his drawer and throwing them on the floor. _They must have fallen out . . . damn woman, she was probably rummaging through here for something . . . she has her own storage space; she doesn't need to touch mine . . ._ He continued to rant as he searched. When he had emptied the entire end table of its contents, he threw all his scattered possessions back in the drawers and returned to the living room, where Goku sat watching TV, a bag of ice between his legs.

"Where'd you get that from?" Vegeta asked, gesturing to the ice.

Goku smiled happily at him. "Bulma gave it to me. Did you find the senzu beans?"

Vegeta scowled. "No, they're gone. Someone's been going through my drawers again— " he directed his voice towards the kitchen, "— haven't they, woman!?"

Bulma came into the living room, carrying a pitcher of iced tea and frowning. "For your information, _your Highness_, I haven't touched any of your stuff in weeks." She handed the pitcher to Goku, who started chugging it like a can of soda. "What are you looking for, anyway?"

Vegeta snorted as if the answer was obvious. "Senzu beans, what else?"

Bulma let out a roar of frustration and stomped up to Vegeta until they were nose-to-nose. "Listen here, Vegeta!" she shouted, jabbing him in the chest with a finger. "Don't you snort at me! Except for where you brutally cracked poor Goku in the crotch, neither of you looked injured enough to need any senzu beans! Now you better start behaving like a normal person, or— " She suddenly realized that her fingertip was going beyond the point where it should have. She silenced and cautiously pushed at the spot again. Confused, she looked back at her husband. "Vegeta?"

Vegeta grinned maliciously and yanked up his shirt.

"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Not surprisingly, Bulma passed out and fell on the floor.

Vegeta chuckled and looked over at Goku, who shook his head disapprovingly. "I'd say she took that rather well."

* * *

When Bulma woke up, Vegeta realized it probably would have been better if Bulma had stayed unconscious. Not that he had expected her to worry over him, but he could only take so much of her shouting before his eardrums started to feel funny. Like they were going to rupture.

"I can't believe you wished for immortality!" Bulma shouted. "We've been over this before! No immortality! You're going to live long enough without adding an eternity to it!"

"I know that!" Vegeta shot back. "The point was so that I could survive injuries like this!" He jerked a thumb at chest, which was thankfully covered once more by his tank top. "And once I heal, my power level will jump so radically that I'll leave all competition in the dust, especially Kakarot!"

"Is beating Goku all you ever think about!!? I swear, the doctor was right; you do have an 'unhealthy obsession'!"

"Unhealthy!? I'm perfectly fine, woman!"

"Oh, sure!" Bulma said sarcastically. "And this is coming from a man who just blasted a saucer-sized _hole_ through his _chest_!"

Goku smiled happily from the couch, eating cookies and watching the argument with rapt attention. It was so fun to watch Vegeta and Bulma interact with each other. They loved each other so much!

"I was proving a point!" Vegeta snapped back. "Kakarot was treating me like I was crazy!"

"And rightly so!" Bulma shouted. "Look what you did to yourself! I'd say that's a little crazy!"

"I'm immortal, woman! This wound is naught but temporary!"

Bulma silenced and raised an eyebrow at Vegeta. "Did you just say 'naught'?"

Vegeta crossed his arms and frowned. "Give me a senzu bean!"

Bulma closed her eyes and massaged her temples. A headache was obviously creeping up on her. "Listen, you have any and all senzu beans that are in this house. If you don't have any, then no one has any. Understand?"

"I had at least two left the last time I checked!" Vegeta replied angrily. "What happened to them!?"

The living room door opened, and Trunks and Goten walked in. Their clothing was almost shreds, but otherwise they looked fine. Goten waved at Vegeta. "Hello, Mr. Vegeta!"

Vegeta snarled and practically pounced on the poor half-Saiyan, picking him up by the remains of his shirt and holding him up to eye level. "You! Little urchin punk! Did you touch my senzu bean supply!?"

"Vegeta, for heaven's sake, put him down!" Bulma said. "Why would have he gone into our room?"

Goten smiled cheerfully. "To get senzu beans!"

Before Vegeta could explode into a Super Saiyan rage, Trunks quickly stepped in. "Dad, we only took them because we were training. You always complain we never train enough, so we sparred all morning and beat each other senseless!" He smiled. "Just like you and Goku!"

Vegeta dropped Goten on the ground. "But those were my last ones!"

Trunks shrugged. "Well, we were going to tell you when we were done . . . which we pretty much just did. We thought it'd be okay."

"Well, it would have been," Bulma said, then looked at Vegeta, "except your father decided blast a hole in himself to prove a point to Goku."

"Yeah, Vegeta's immortal now!" Goku chimed in from the couch.

"Really!?" Trunks and Goten said in ecstatic unison. "Let me see!"

Before Vegeta could shove them away, Goten pulled up the prince's tank top and saw the gaping hole in his chest. "Cool!"

"Wow, Dad!" Trunks said excitedly, poking the cauterized flesh. "Does it hurt?"

Vegeta slapped the boys away and yanked his shirt back down. "Leave my hole alone!" He crossed his arms protectively over his injury. "Yes, I'm immortal now, and no, it doesn't hurt."

"But you said it hurt like hell," Goku said from the couch, confused.

"Shut up, Kakarot!" Vegeta snapped at the other Saiyan. He turned his wrath back to Trunks and Goten. "As for you two— "

"We don't want you going into our room without our permission," Bulma interrupted, frowning at the boys. "And if you want any senzu beans, you have to ask your father first. Understand? What if he was mortally wounded and needed those beans immediately?"

Trunks and Goten looked ashamedly at the floor.

"Now, you two to go out back and play or something, all right?" Bulma smiled approvingly. "You deserve a break. We're proud of you for training so hard this morning."

Trunks and Goten smiled. "Thanks!" In a blur, they dashed back outside.

Vegeta scowled at Bulma. "You just stole my parental authority!"

"Vegeta, will you just relax?" Bulma said. "We need to find some senzu beans for you and Goku." She looked over at Goku, who was playing with the bag of melted ice. "Hey Goku, do you have any back at your house?"

Goku looked up, startled. "Huh? No, I don't have any left."

Bulma thought a bit more. "Hey, I know!" she exclaimed with sudden realization. "Why don't you check if Korin has any? Maybe the new crop is ready!"

Goku raised his eyebrows. "I'm not sure, but it's worth a shot."

"Well, then hurry up and get your ass up there!" Vegeta ordered.

Smiling, Goku saluted Vegeta and teleported away. Thirty seconds later, he reappeared in the living room.

"Well?" Vegeta asked.

Goku shook his head. "The crop won't be ready until next month."

Vegeta sighed, then waved his hand dismissively. "Fine, then we'll just wait until next month."

"You can't do that, Vegeta!" Bulma protested.

Vegeta smirked at her. "Why not? This wound can't kill me. Are you upset because I'll remain immortal?"

"First of all, you're not going to stay immortal if I have anything to say about it. Second, how are you supposed to eat? You have no stomach anymore!"

"But he's immortal, Bulma," Goku reminded her. "He doesn't need to eat." He paused, thinking over what he just said. "Wait, Vegeta can't eat!? That's horrible!" He clutched his own stomach protectively, as if it would try to leap out of him should he not keep an eye on it. "I'd rather die again!"

"Listen," Bulma said before Vegeta could make any kind of insulting remark to Goku, "You wished for eternal life and youth, right, Vegeta?" When Vegeta grunted an affirmative, she continued, "Well, that doesn't mean that you don't still need a source of energy. Without the ability to eat food and convert it into energy, you'll eventually weaken to the point that you won't be able to do anything."

"What?!?" Vegeta exclaimed. "You mean I'll become an immortal invalid?!? The Dragon never mentioned anything about that!"

Goku shrugged. "I guess you didn't read the fine print."

"Fine print!? It was a verbal agreement, you baka! There can't _be_ any fine print!" Vegeta growled, clenching his fists. "Damn dragon! He tricked me!"

Goku and Bulma exchanged glances and shook their heads.

"Now what are I supposed to do!?" Vegeta demanded. "With my metabolism, I'll be a vegetable by the time the senzu beans are ready!"

Goku started giggling fiercely. Vegeta glared at him. "What are you laughing at, clown!?"

Goku shook his head quickly, stifling his giggles. "Nothing, Vegeta-ble."

Vegeta glared suspiciously at Goku for a moment longer, then looked at Bulma for an answer to his dilemma. Bulma thought a while. "Well," she said finally, "we could try feeding you intravenously— at least you could get your basic nutrients and fluids that way . . . but even then, your metabolism is so fast! We need a better solution than waiting for the senzu beans."

"What other options _do_ we have?" Goku asked.

Bulma shook her head, brooding. "I don't know. We might not have any."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Well, if worse comes to worse," Goku said cheerfully, "we'll make sure to put you in a nice hospital, Vegeta! And I'll visit you every day and read you stories and bring you flowers and— "

Vegeta smacked Goku upside the head. "Shut up, Kakarot!"

* * *

Zounds! The plot thickens! :) To be continued in Chapter 3: "A Solution! . . . maybe"


	3. Chapter 3: A Solution! . . . maybe

Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and related characters are copyrighted by Bird Studios/Shueisha, Toei Animation. Licensed by FUNimation Productions, Inc. And as a result, I'm going broke from buying the DVDs. ^_^;

Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry about the delay, but I'm having a slight problem with writer's block. Don't worry, I know where I want to take the story, but I'm just having some trouble getting there. I do have some fun ideas, though, for the next chapter, which I'll hopefully get up after the end of the week (I have finals this week, then classes are over! Yay!). So, until next week, read and review!

The Fine Print

Chapter 3: A Solution! . . . maybe

"DENDE!"

Startled, Vegeta turned his head at the exclamation and was rewarded with a fist slammed into his unguarded cheek. "Kakarot . . ." he groaned, holding the injured side of his face.

"Sorry," Goku apologized, relaxing out of his fighting stance. The two Saiyans had been sparring for the last half-hour, leaving Bulma alone to think of a solution to Vegeta's unique situation. Initially, they had tried to brood with her, but their fighting instincts, which had the tendency to give them the attention spans of young children, had gotten the better of them, and they abandoned her to spar on the rear grounds of Capsule Corp.

"Yo! Guys! Dende!"

Vegeta looked back in the direction of the voice— while keeping one cautious eye on Goku— and saw Bulma running towards him. "What, woman?"

Bulma halted, annoyance starting to mar her enthusiasm. "I said, 'Dende'."

Vegeta shrugged. "So?"

Bulma's slight annoyance changed into full-out exasperation. "So, Dende's your solution! He can heal people, remember!?"

Vegeta's face lit up, and Goku clapped and cheered happily. "Of course!" the prince said. "Forget the senzu beans; the little Namek runt can heal me! Perfect!"

Bulma gave her husband a disapproving look. "Vegeta, considering Dende's going to save you from becoming bed-ridden, could you at least refrain from insulting him?"

"What's the point?" Vegeta demanded. "He has little choice. I'm a valuable protector of this insignificant speck of a planet. He's bound by obligation."

"He's not obligated to you for anything! If he owes anyone, it would be Goku!"

Goku grinned happily. "I save the universe!"

Vegeta sputtered and shouted, "Hey, I _help _save the universe!"

"That's right," Goku agreed. "He _does_ help. He's like a sidekick!"

"Sidekick?!?" Vegeta shouted, shocked and outraged.

"Will you calm down!?" Bulma shouted, placing herself between the two Saiyans before Vegeta could take any action against Goku. "Fortunately for _you_, Vegeta, since Dende is the guardian of the earth and is so _kind_ and _forgiving_ that I'm sure he'll heal you regardless of your grating attitude."

"Oh, of course he will!" Goku said, putting his head over Bulma's shoulder to smile at Vegeta. "No one can resist Vegeta's irresistible charm!"

* * *

"No, I won't."

"WHAT?!?" Vegeta grabbed Dende by the front of his shirt and yanked him off his feet. "You have to heal me, runt!"

"No, he doesn't," Piccolo clarified from the side. He and the others all stood on the floating island that the two Namekkians and Mr. Popo called home. "He chose this position because he wanted to help _Earth_, not you."

"Oh, let me guess," Vegeta said to Dende with a sneer, "you're still upset at me over all those Nameks I killed 11 years ago?"

"Not initially," Dende replied, frowning, "but now that you brought it back up . . ."

"Please, Dende," Goku begged, stepping into the Namekkian's view. "Vegeta'll be too weak to move by the time the next crop of senzu is ready. You have to heal him!"

"I would," Dende replied, "because Vegeta has since proved himself to have no . . . umm . . . _less_ evil in his heart now, but the grounds of my refusal are not over the topic of his morality."

Vegeta growled, narrowing his eyes. "Then what _are_ they over!?"

"Your stupidity," Piccolo answered.

Vegeta dropped Dende on the ground and stormed up to Piccolo. "What did you say, Namek!?"

"He said 'your stupidity,'" Bulma repeated, folding her arms across her chest. "And I'd say that's sums it up pretty well."

Vegeta whirled towards Bulma. "I already _told_ you! I was proving a point to Kakarot!"

Piccolo rolled his eyes and muttered, "Stupid."

Vegeta turned back to Piccolo, furious. "I heard that!"

Bulma ignored them, instead looking back to Dende and addressing him seriously. "Please, Dende," she pleaded. "I know what Vegeta did was incredibly dumb, but can you help him, anyway? I won't be able to handle watching him deteriorate into helplessness, even if it will only be temporary."

Dende smiled comfortingly. "Don't worry. I wouldn't leave you without any options, even though— " he glanced back at Vegeta and Piccolo, who were taking turns shoving each other, "— it is Vegeta. The Dragonballs here may be inactive, but the ones on New Namek are charged right now. You could fly Vegeta there and ask Porunga to fix everything."

"Oh Dende, you're wonderful!" Bulma exclaimed, grabbing the young Namekkian in a hug. "Thank you!" She let go of Dende and looked back at Vegeta and Piccolo, who now had each other in headlocks while Goku tried to break them apart. "Vegeta!"

Vegeta looked up. "What, woman?"

Bulma had had enough. She marched up to the two straining warriors and slapped both of them hard across the face. Not hurt in the least but incredibly surprised and amazed, Vegeta and Piccolo let go of each other and Goku backed up, afraid that Bulma might take her wrath out on him as well. Snarling, Bulma grabbed Vegeta by the front of his tank top and yanked him forward so she could scream right in his face, "YOU STUPID IDIOT, WILL YOU JUST KEEP YOUR FREAKING TESTOSTERONE IN CHECK FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE!!!? I FINALLY HAVE A WORKING SOLUTION TO YOUR STUPID PROBLEM!!!"

Vegeta blinked a few times in stunned silence, then smiled. He knew there was a reason why he had chosen Bulma as his mate a decade ago. With a gleeful expression, he looked Bulma in the eyes and said, "So, woman, what is it?"

Bulma shoved Vegeta back, and the prince fell on his rear end. Keeping her temper in check, Bulma walked away from him and gestured to Dende. "Dende told me that the Dragonballs on New Namek are charged right now and that we can use them to heal you. It'll take a few days to fly there, but you should still be fine by the time you arrive."

Vegeta stood back up, dusting himself off as if nothing had happened. "Fine, we can take that course of action. However, there's no need to take time flying in a spaceship; Kakarot can just teleport me there and we can straighten everything out before the end of the day."

"Oh, that's right!" Bulma exclaimed. She looked over at Goku and started to say something, but noticed the uncertain expression on his face. Her excitement faded. "Goku? What's the matter?"

"Umm . . ." Goku put his had behind his head. "I can't teleport that far."

Vegeta's countenance turned livid with frightening speed. "What do you mean!? You teleported to New Namek to get the Dragonballs when we defeated Buu!"

Goku shook his head. "The Supreme Kai teleported me. I tried myself, using King Kai to extend my range, but I wasn't good enough."

Since he had threatened the Supreme Kai's life before, Vegeta did not bother asking if there was chance that the Kai would do him a favor. Feeling foolish, Vegeta reacted instinctively: "Well, why aren't you more skilled now, Kakarot!? You've been slacking off in your training, haven't you!? Baka! What do you do all day!?"

"Um, spar with you," Goku replied matter-of-factly. "That doesn't involve long distance teleportation."

Vegeta shut his mouth, flushing slightly with embarrassment. Crossing his arms, he scowled and turned his head away.

"Hey, it's no problem," Bulma said. "You guys will just have to take a capsule ship. My dad and I can get one programmed and ready by tomorrow morning."

"Fine," Vegeta said, then widened his eyes in surprise. He turned to Bulma. "Wait, did you just say 'you guys'?"

Bulma put her hands on her hips. "That's right. If you think I'm going to let you go by yourself, then you're crazy. You need supervision, and Goku is the only one strong enough to do it."

"Supervision!?" Vegeta said incredulously. "I don't need supervision! I'm the Prince of all Saiyans! I'm the second strongest being in the entire universe! I can destroy planets with a mere gesture! I— "

"— have a gaping hole in your chest," Bulma interrupted. Before Vegeta could say anything, she put a hand up to stop him. "Listen to me seriously, okay? Even if you are immortal, you're still in unstable condition."

"You can say that again," Piccolo muttered.

"If anything strange happens on your way to New Namek, I know I can trust Goku to handle things." She looked at Goku. "Right?"

Goku smiled goofily and gave her a thumbs up. "No problem!"

A drop of sweat slid down the side of Vegeta's face. "Can't you come with me instead, woman?"

"No, I have to keep things running here," Bulma replied.

"How about the Namek then!?" Vegeta said almost frantically, gesturing to Piccolo. "Can't he take Kakarot's place!?"

"Leave me out of this," Piccolo said, scowling.

"No, Vegeta, I've already decided," Bulma said, ignoring Vegeta as the prince tried to twist his own head off, perhaps out of despair or in some hope that becoming headless might actually kill him in spite of his immortality. "Dad and I will get right to work on readying a ship for you and Goku. And, so you don't freak out later, I'll let you know right now that I'm going to deactivate the gravity generator on it. I don't want you training while you're like this."

Vegeta suddenly let go of his head and Goku gasped in horror. "B-but Bulma," Goku said, "we _have_ to train. Training is something we need to do everyday, like eating, sleeping, or eating! You can't take that away!"

"Goku," Bulma said patiently, "it's for Vegeta's good. Besides, there will be plenty of board games for you two to play."

Goku pumped a fist into the air. "Yay! Board games!"

"What?!?" Vegeta shouted, horrified. "No training!? Board games with _Kakarot!?_ Do you realize what you're sentencing me to!?"

"Hn, you sound like you're frightened, Vegeta," Piccolo remarked with a smirk.

"Oh, really!?" Vegeta walked over and jabbed Piccolo in the chest with a finger. "How would you like to take my place, Namek!?"

Piccolo glanced over at Goku, who waved happily at him. A shiver crawled up his spine. "Er, it wouldn't bother me. Not at all."

"Liar!" Vegeta accused.

"Coward!" Piccolo retorted.

"Don't you two start up again!" Bulma yelled angrily. Vegeta and Piccolo stopped, glanced at Bulma, and then at each other. Crossing their arms simultaneously, they "hmpfed" and turned their backs to one another.

"Listen," Bulma said, almost visibly straining to remain rational, "I know the journey is going to be difficult, but wouldn't you rather go through it than becoming an invalid?"

Vegeta thought deeply for a moment. "I would only have to be bed-ridden for a month, right?"

"Vegeta!"

Vegeta sighed in resignation. "You're right. Being able to train immediately after the trip will make a few days of maddening hell worth it." He paused. "I think."

"Good." Bulma massaged her forehead, sighing. "Now let's get home before I have a brain hemorrhage."

"Yay!" Goku ran over to Vegeta and Bulma and, grabbing them with one arm, put two fingers to his forehead and teleported away. Only Piccolo and Dende remained, starting at the empty spot before them.

Piccolo broke the silence first. "I have to say that originally I was angry that you gave Vegeta a good option to becoming bed-ridden, but now that I rethink it . . . I prefer your idea. Being trapped in a spaceship with Goku while being forbidden to train . . . I'd say that's suitable punishment."

Dende shrugged. "Well, I didn't give it to be a punishment— "

"Shut up and take credit for it."

"Okay."

* * *

I'm sure you saw this coming. :) To be continued in Chapter 4: "Outer Space Slumber Party"


	4. Chapter 4: Outer Space Slumber Party

Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and related characters are copyrighted by Bird Studios/Shueisha, Toei Animation. Licensed by FUNimation Productions, Inc. I also do not own "Shake Your Groove Thing" by Peaches and Herb or "Doo Wah Diddy" by Manfred Mann. And before you try to dwell on why I wrote that, just forget it and keep reading the story. All will make sense in time. :)

Author's Note: Okay, I was wrong in the first chapter. This story is going to be 5, possibly 6, chapters long. Hopefully, I'm doing a good enough of a job that reading my fic is a pleasure, not a chore, and the extra chapter(s) will be a source of joy and merriment in your lives. *cough, cough* ^_^; Uh, just read the chapter.

The Fine Print

Chapter 4: Outer Space Slumber Party

"Field trip! Field trip! We're going on a _field trip!_"

Vegeta closed his eyes, trying to ignore Goku's singing while he secured his luggage on the capsule ship. He had not brought much, nor did he require much. Two changes of clothing, a toothbrush, and a supply of hypodermic needles filled with a concentrate of vitamins and nutrients to keep up his strength until Porunga fixed everything on New Namek. The company nurse had already showed him how to inject himself and had filled enough syringes to last him during the six-day flight to the planet. Thankfully, Bulma had apparently lied about Vegeta's true need for the needles, or he was sure that the nurse would not have been so calm with him had she known he had a huge hole in his chest and yet somehow remained alive.

Vegeta shut the compartment and stood up, glancing around the lower recesses of the ship where the kitchen, bathroom, and sleeping area were. Bulma had already stocked the refrigerator (for Goku, of course), put the mattresses and sheets out, and put toothpaste, soap, and whatnot in the bathroom. Up the ladder, in the main area of the ship, she had deactivated the gravity room, programmed the necessary coordinates into the navigational computer, and— Vegeta shuddered— packed an array of board and card games for Vegeta and Goku to entertain themselves with. Vegeta growled as he climbed the ladder; he would sooner count the number of floor tiles in the ship before he would sit down with Goku and play "Chutes n' Ladders."

"Hey, Vegeta," Bulma said, spotting him as she ran some last minute diagnostics on the ship's computer system. "You ready yet?"

Vegeta looked longingly at the defunct gravity generator in the center of the room. "As ready as I'll ever be." He watched Bulma as she worked on the computer. "Does that machine have a DVD player? Could I at least watch movies instead of— " he sneered in disgust, "— _playing_ with Kakarot?"

Bulma sighed in exasperation. This was not the first time this morning that Vegeta had suggested alternatives to playing board games with Goku. "Listen, this ship was originally built— after much whining and moaning from you— to be strictly for training and survival. There's not a whole lot of frills on this thing."

Vegeta started becoming annoyed. "But you deactivated the gravity generator! With that gone, there's nothing to do! Can't you install a DVD player before we leave?"

Bulma finished with the diagnostic test and returned the computer to its ready mode. "Vegeta, you're getting whiney."

Vegeta's annoyance turned to anger. "I do _not_ whine! Kakarot is the one who whines! And I don't want to deal with him! If you're going to take away the gravity generator, then you must give me a suitable substitute form of stimulation!"

Bulma packed up some tools that were lying around on the floor. "I don't have time to install anything else on the ship. You want entertainment? That's what the games are for."

"But that requires interaction with Kakarot!" Vegeta protested, trying to get Bulma to seriously pay attention to him. "I shall sleep in the same ship as he, but I refuse to _play_ anything with him!"

Bulma turned and smiled patronizingly at Vegeta. "Well, that's too bad, Veg-gie," she said, pinching his face, "but you have no choice." She turned and walked out of the ship. "Maybe you should have thought about that before you shot that hole through your chest."

Vegeta's vision turned red with rage. "Dammit, how the hell was I supposed to know that Trunks and Kakarot's brat would eat the last of my senzu beans!? I _had_ things planned out! I _thought_ ahead! I'M NOT STUPID!"

Goku came up alongside Vegeta and put a friendly hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Vedge, talking to yourself again?"

Vegeta slapped Goku's hand off his shoulder. "Don't touch me, you clown!" He left the ship, muttering to himself, "Stupid Kaka-baka peasanty dorky twitty nitwit . . ."

Goku smiled and ran excitedly after him. "Oh boy, this trip is gonna be fun!"

* * *

After a few last checks, some more whining from Vegeta, and cheerful good-byes from Goku, the capsule ship was launched. Once they cleared the earth's atmosphere and became stable on their course to New Namek, Vegeta and Goku unbuckled themselves from their seats and began walking around the ship.

"Hey, Vegeta, how 'bout 'Candyland' first?" Goku asked. He was already looking through the compartment that Bulma had stored all the games in. "Or maybe 'Go Fish?'"

"How about 'Solitaire,' instead, baka?" Vegeta suggested as he snooped around in the different compartments, looking for something to amuse himself with.

"Oh, but it's no fun to play a one-person game when there's two of us here." Goku rummaged through the compartment some more. "Hey, there's checkers here. How about checkers? You get to say 'king me' . . ." He let the offer hang enticingly.

Vegeta scowled over his shoulder at him. "Appealing to my vanity will get you nowhere." He found a manual with diagrams of the capsule ship's layout and circuitry. "Besides, I found a book."

Goku walked over, curious. "Wow, I didn't know you liked to read, Vegeta."

Vegeta flopped down in one of the chairs. "I do when I'm desperate." _Incredibly, freakishly desperate._

Goku looked at the book as Vegeta flipped through it. "A book about the ship? That looks really boring."

"Well, as your prince, I am prepared to make some sacrifices." Vegeta hunched over the book, trying to get Goku out of his field of vision. "Now go play by yourself."

Goku sighed in resignation and left Vegeta alone. Ignoring Goku, Vegeta looked through the manual, trying to entertain himself by following the complex paths of wires and pipes in the diagrams. However, all he managed to do was figure out the reasoning behind a few of the layouts and have a number of amazing revelations . . . like which switch in the fuse box turned off the power in the bathroom.

_Argh, who am I kidding!?_ Vegeta thought, frowning. _I've seen infomercials that were more interesting than this!_ He started to close the book, but noticed something coming out of one of the diagrams, like a hidden picture that had existed all along but he had never seen it before. Confused, he widened his eyes, watching it as it continued to come into focus. A strange euphoric feeling began to come over him, and he sat up straighter, watching the book with amazement. _This is no ordinary book,_ Vegeta realized with awe. _This book knows everything. It knows all truths in the universe. It's trying to tell me my true destiny in life. _He watched the strange picture floating before his eyes, begging it to come into focus more quickly. _Yes . . . Yes! My true destiny is— _

"Shake your groove thing! Shake your groove thing! Yeah yeah!"

Vegeta shot up in his chair, dropping the manual on the ground. Overhead, the music continued to blare through the speakers as Vegeta gasped for air and shuddered from the adrenaline coursing through his body.

"Hey, Vegeta, you're finally awake!" Goku remarked cheerfully as he did sit-ups on the floor. "I told you that book would be boring."

Vegeta shook his head, trying to reorient himself. "How long have I been out?"

"Um, 'bout an hour. I don't think you were reading that thing for fifteen minutes before you dropped off. I went downstairs and had a snack, then I found some CDs in one of the compartments. Come on, do sit-ups with me. It's not training if we're listening to music; it's aerobics!"

Vegeta picked up the ship manual and threw it back in the compartment he had found it in. "Why, you're right, Kakarot," he said sarcastically. "It's not training, it's _pointless!_ I am used to training in 500 times gravity! This is no challenge! Do you realize how many sit-ups I would have to do to get any benefit in normal gravity!?"

"Eh, probably a couple million," Goku guessed. "But it's better than nothing." He stopped, grinning excitedly. "Unless . . . you want to play board games with me now?" He batted his eyelashes at Vegeta. "Puh-leeeze?"

* * *

"There she was, just-a walkin' down the street, singin'— "

"Doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo!" Goku chimed in.

"Kakarot, will you shut up!?" Vegeta complained, doing sit-ups a few feet away from the other Saiyan. "The music is bad enough; you don't need to sing along with it!"

"She looked good!" the speakers blared.

"She looked good!" Goku echoed.

"She looked fine!"

"She looked fine! And she made me lose my— OW! Vegeta, you kicked me!"

"It was a muscle spasm," Vegeta lied. He changed the subject to distract Goku from anymore singing. "So, what number are you on now?"  
"Um, about a million and— " Goku completed another sit-up, "— twenty-three! How about you, Vedge?"

Vegeta bristled. He was only on one million and five. Of course, Goku did have a head start on him, but . . . "None of your business."

"Uh-oh," Goku said playfully. "It's less than me, isn't it?"

Vegeta flushed. "No, it's not."

"Oh yes it is! I can see your face! And you're get-ting all red and cran-ky!"

"Can it, baka!" Vegeta snapped. "Do you really think you can out-do your own prince!?"

Goku's eyes lit up with excitement. "Ooh, is that a challenge?"

"Of course it's a challenge! Are you Saiyan enough to accept it!?"

"Of course!" Goku replied. "You're on! Starting at one million! Go!"

Both Saiyans doubled their paces, racing against each other.

"One million eleven, twelve, thirteen," Vegeta counted.

"One-million twenty-one, twenty-two," Goku said.

"Hey, there's no way!" Vegeta shouted. "You're cheating!"

"No, I'm not! One million twenty-nine!"

"Kakarot!"

* * *

The two Saiyans did not end their contest until it was very late, and only because Goku was hungry. Personally, Vegeta saw that as a forfeit and wanted to insist that he had won, but he was too worn out to press the matter.

Sighing, Vegeta carefully climbed down the ladder to the bottom deck, pausing when he was too dizzy to see straight. _Damn, it's already happening,_ he thought. _I guess I should take the medicine now and get some sleep._ He walked through the kitchen, which was littered with wrappers and containers from Goku's dinner, and went to his storage compartment in the sleeping area. "Kakarot," he called to the bathroom.

Goku walked out, brushing his teeth. "What?"

"I'm going to inject myself now, so if you need to hide or something— " Vegeta was cut off by the slam of the bathroom door.

"G-go ahead, Veg-g-geta," Goku called nervously from inside the bathroom. "I'm r-ready."

Vegeta rolled his eyes and pulled up his pants leg. After giving himself the shot, he sighed and sat back against the wall, feeling his body absorb the new energy like a dry sponge. _Hmm, there must be adrenaline in this stuff . . . It feels good._

The bathroom door opened a crack and Goku tentatively asked, "Are you done yet?"

"Yes, I am done, you big sissy." Vegeta stood up and pulled his pants leg back down. Taking his toothbrush from his belongings, he pushed past Goku and started brushing his teeth in the bathroom.

Goku scratched his head thoughtfully. "Gee, Vegeta, if you can't eat, then why do you have to brush your teeth?"

Vegeta glared at Goku, then spit in the sink and rinsed out his toothbrush. "Because I like routine. Now get out. I need to go."

"Go where?" Goku asked.

"To the bathroom," Vegeta clarified, scowling.

Goku was still clueless. "But you're already in the bathroom."

"I need to use the toilet, you idiot!"

Goku was baffled. "But how can you go if you haven't eat— Hey!" He stumbled out of the bathroom, shoved by Vegeta. The door slammed behind him. "But I don't understand!" Goku called through the door. "You didn't eat anything today!"

"I ate yesterday!" Vegeta shouted back, becoming embarrassed.

"But . . . ohhhhh . . ." Goku said in realization. "Well, then you better turn on a fan in there or something, 'cause— "

"WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!?" Vegeta screamed.

"Sorry."

A few minutes later, once Vegeta was finished, he opened the door to find Goku smiling and waiting. Vegeta jabbed a finger at him and warned, "You say one word and I'm throwing you off this ship. Understand?"

Goku nodded stupidly. Giving the taller Saiyan one final glare, Vegeta walked past him and lay down on his bed, stripping under the covers and pulling on a pair of boxers to sleep in. A few minutes (and some obnoxious coughing) later, Goku re-entered the room and stripped down to his shorts before he turned off the lights and got in his own bed. "Good night, Vegeta," he said.

"Good night," Vegeta replied reluctantly.

"Sleep tight."

"I shall, Kakarot."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite."

Vegeta bolted up. "What?!? Bed bugs?!? What bed bugs!?"

Goku chuckled. "Oh relax, it's just an expression, Ve— "

"You mean there are insectoid _vermin_ residing in my bed linens!?"

"Insecta-whatzits?"

"Daaargh! Son of a bitch!" Vegeta cursed. The sound of a mattress being thrown across the room was heard, followed by more yelling and cursing, with a few references to Bulma and her inability to do the laundry on time.

"Vegeta!" Goku called, getting up and trying to find the prince in the darkness. "Calm down! There's no bugs! There's— " He got hit by a flying pillow. "Ow! Vegeta!"

* * *

Two hours and a hit over the head later, Vegeta was sleeping peacefully in his bed. When he woke again, it was the next day and Goku was already up, eating breakfast.

"Hey there, bud, how ya feeling?" Goku asked, eating a bagel over Vegeta's face as the prince blinked, regaining consciousness. "You had quite an episode last night. Feel better?"

Vegeta groaned and rubbed the back of his head. "Huh? My head hurts. When did I go to sleep last night?"

Goku blinked. "You mean you don't remember?" When Vegeta shook his head "no," Goku smiled in relief and said, "Ohhh . . . around the same time I did. You were really worn out from our sit-up contest."

"Then why do I have a lump on the back of my head?"

Goku glanced around. "Um, you passed out on the floor?"

Vegeta looked at Goku suspiciously, then decide to let the matter drop. Goku heaved a sigh of relief. It was no good for Vegeta to get in a fight with him this soon. Goku went back to messily eating his bagel. "So what do you want to do today?"

Vegeta turned his face away from the hail of crumbs raining down on him. "Well, for starters, you can stop eating over me! You're getting crumbs in my bed! You're going to attract vermin!"

Goku laughed but backed up anyway. "Silly Vegeta, you know there's no bugs in spaceships."

Vegeta sat up, shaking the crumbs out of his hair. "Don't patronize me. You weren't once trapped in a spacepod for six hours with an Arlian scorpion. Serves those dumbass bugs right that I blew up their planet."

Not quite understanding what Vegeta was talking about, Goku just shrugged. "So what do you want to do? Maybe we could have another contest."

Vegeta walked into the bathroom to wash his face. "No. That was a waste of time. I don't want to do something that only _resembles_ training. I want to really train!"

Goku swallowed the rest of the bagel. "Well, we can't do that. Bulma deactivated the gravity generator, remember?"

Vegeta walked out, drying off his face with a towel. "I don't care. I've been using gravity generators for over a decade now. I'm not completely ignorant on how they work." He pitched the towel back in the bathroom. "Do you know where the toolbox is in this place?"

Goku shrugged. "Probably upstairs. Are you sure it's a good idea, though? What if you electrocute yourself?"

Vegeta waved a dismissive hand at Goku as he picked up his clothes and went back to the bathroom to change. "Trust me, Kakarot, I can take care of my— " He tripped over the doorjamb and fell into the bathroom face-first. Goku began to giggle.

Vegeta growled. "Don't you say a word!"

* * *

A bit later, Vegeta was tinkering around inside the gravity generator. He worked straight through for hours, pausing only to wipe sweat from his forehead or take off his shirt when it got too hot. Overhead, "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred played over the ship's speakers. Fortunately, thanks to a combination of previous knowledge and some diagrams from the spaceship's manual, Vegeta was nearing theoretical completion. He grinned with pride as he worked. He knew that this near-success was not due completely to his skill, but also to the fact that Bulma had not made the task of reactivating the generator a very complex one because she had thought that Vegeta had no clue how to fix it. He grinned nonetheless. _Foolish woman, you should know never to underestimate me in anything . . ._

"Hey," Goku said, climbing up the ladder. "How's the little Saiyan engineer doing? Too sexy for your shirt, I see."

Vegeta scowled at the comments but decided that they were not worth getting into an argument over. "I should be almost done."

"Really?" Goku was genuinely surprised. He started becoming excited. "You mean we'll be able to train for real?"

Vegeta glanced at the open manual next to him and hooked up another one of the wires. "Yes."

"Whee!" Goku cheered, dancing around with the unbridled glee that only toddlers are capable of. "We're gonna train! We're gonna train!"

Vegeta ignored Goku, instead looking at the two loose wires he still had left. One of them, he was sure, hooked up to the main control panel and fed it power. The remaining one would attach to an empty space left on one of the circuit boards. The question, of course, was which one hooked up to what. "Kakarot," he said suddenly, causing Goku to stop in the midst of his happy dance. "I desire your assistance."

Goku walked back over to Vegeta, blinking curiously. "What do you want me to do?"

Vegeta gestured to the control panel. "I am going to attach one of these wires inside, and when I say when, I want you to turn on the generator. Hopefully, if it's the right one, we should get power."

"Okay." Goku stood with his finger over the power button as Vegeta began to hook up one of the wires. "I press it when you say what?"

"No," Vegeta said, frowning and concentrating on his work. "When I say 'when.'"

"When?" Goku asked.

Vegeta growled in exasperation. "Yes, 'when!'"

"Okay!" Goku pushed the button. A bright bolt of electricity shot out of the generator and threw Vegeta against the wall.

"Oops!" Goku turned the generator off and ran over to Vegeta, who sat up. Smoke rose lazily from the prince's hair, which stuck out in more directions than usual. Goku chuckled nervously. "I guess that's the right one, huh?"

Vegeta narrowed his eyes at Goku and stood up, grumbling.

"Sorry," Goku apologized.

Scowling vehemently, Vegeta walked past him and hooked up the two wires in their proper places, then shut the panel. "All right," he said, approaching the control panel. "Here goes." He pressed the power button and the generator hummed to life. Start-up diagnostics lit up the panel, and the computer announced over the speakers, "Ready to begin."

"IT'S ALIIIIIIIIVE!" Vegeta crowed, throwing his arms up in triumph and laughing maniacally. "I HAVE RESTORED LIFE! AH-HAHAHAHA!"

Understandably frightened by the prince's massive mood swing, Goku smiled nervously and back away a few steps from Vegeta.

"Aw, did you miss me, my pet?" Vegeta crooned, caressing the control panel. "Did you miss your master? I know I missed you." He smiled lovingly, then his expression turned malicious. "All right, let's skip the warm-up and go right into the work-out!" His fingers danced across the keypad. "Five hundred times gravity!" However, the panel blinked back to 1G, and the computer said, "Invalid entry."

"What?!?" Vegeta shouted. "500G is a perfectly valid entry, you piece of junk!"

Goku approached Vegeta cautiously. "Um, maybe something shorted out when you got electrocuted and now it can't go up that high anymore."

Vegeta spun to face Goku. Fire burned in his eyes. "And whose fault might that be!?"

Goku blinked. "Hey, I pressed the button when you said when."

"I didn't mean 'when' when I said 'when!'" Vegeta shouted. "That was an answering 'when!' Not an ordering 'when!'"

Goku scratched his head. "Which 'when?'"

Vegeta had to clench his jaw to keep himself from screaming in frustration. "Nevermind! We need to find out what the maximum limit of this machine is now!" He started to enter number after number, but was rejected every time.

"I bet it's 300G," Goku said as he watched Vegeta. "Try 300G."

"Shut up!" Vegeta barked. "It has to be something higher than that!" He kept punching in more numbers, decreasing them every time by 10. He was down to 350G and the computer was still rejecting his entries.

"It's 300G," Goku repeated. "It's gonna be 300G."

Vegeta kept entering numbers. "No, it's not, you nitwit! It's— "

"Initiating 300 times earth's gravity," the computer announced. The next moment, the increased gravity pulled on both warriors, who flinched a bit but stood their ground with little difficulty.

"Told ya," Goku said.

Vegeta closed his eyes and took a few deep cleansing breaths to keep himself level. "Good for you, Kakarot. Now, why don't we do something productive?"

"Um, push-ups?" Goku suggested.

Vegeta kicked a wrench at Goku. "No! Sparring! I've been miserable ever since I got on this damn ship! I need an outlet! And guess what— " He grabbed Goku by the shirt and pulled him down to his height. A malicious smile spread across his face. "— you are the only other living thing here."

Unfazed, Goku nodded. "Sure! It has to be just hand-to-hand, though. No Super Saiyan and no ki-blasts, or we might destroy the ship."

Vegeta let go of Goku, and his expression settled back into its usual scowl. "Of course." He picked up the tools and the ship manual off the ground and put them back where he had found them. Turning back to Goku, he slid into a fighting stance. Goku did the same, his expression narrowing as he visibly became focused.

Vegeta smirked. He loved that transformation every time Goku went through it. It was one of the few reasons that he tolerated the rest of the other Saiyan's behavior. "Ready?"

Goku smiled back. "Ready."

The two warriors threw themselves into battle.

* * *

When night arrived, the Saiyans finally ended their spar to get ready for bed. If Vegeta had had it his way, they would have kept on going, but he had become so weakened from the fight that he collapsed at the end of the match and Goku had to carry him downstairs. Sitting Vegeta next to the compartment that his belongings were in, Goku told him to take his medicine and went to hide in the bathroom until it was safe to come out.

Dizzy and exhausted, Vegeta fumbled with the compartment latch, finally opening it and locating one of the hypodermic needles. He managed to inject himself, then closed his eyes and rested his head back against the wall as he absorbed the concentrated liquid. The sparring match had actually been a light one, but its length had taken its toll on him. Fortunately, the nutrients seemed to be working quickly enough, and Vegeta could feel his vertigo passing.

"Are you done yet, Vegeta?" Goku called from the bathroom. "Can I come out?"

Vegeta still felt dizzy. "No, not yet." He pulled out another one of the needles and uncapped it. _Should I? _he thought._ The nurse told me to space the doses apart . . . but she also thought I was human._ He shrugged and slid the needle under his skin. _Oh, what the hell . . ._ He pushed the plunger in and gasped in pain when his leg suddenly contracted, veins popping out under the skin. Going completely rigid, he snapped his head back against the wall and gasped for air. _Forgot . . . Bulma was the one who mixed the medicine . . ._ His hand shook, clenching the syringe until it shattered under the pressure.

"Vegeta? Now?" Goku asked from behind the door.

The intense adrenaline rush passed and Vegeta felt his body relax, however slightly. It still felt like lightning was coursing through his veins, and his hands shook with nervous tension. Twitching, he cleaned up the needles and put them back with his belongings. "Y-y-y— " he took a deep breath and tried again, "Yes, Kakarot."

The bathroom door opened and Goku walked out, smiling. His smile faded when he saw Vegeta's contracted pupils and nervous twitching. "You okay, Vegeta?"

Vegeta nodded quickly. "Fine, fine."

Goku looked at Vegeta worriedly. "O-kay. Do you feel better now?"

Vegeta smirked. "Never better."

"Um, okay." Goku smiled comfortingly at Vegeta, sensing another bout of irrational behavior about to come from the other Saiyan. "Do you want me to tuck you in?"

By all logic, Vegeta should have exploded into a rage, but he could not trust himself to yell without his voice shaking. "No, I'm fine." He made a motion of yawning and crawled into his bed, pulling the covers up around his neck. Giving Vegeta one last glance, Goku decided to leave him alone and finished getting ready for bed. It was not long before Vegeta found himself in the dark, eyes open and staring at nothing. _Can't sleep . . . too awake,_ Vegeta thought. _Want to train but Kakarot's here . . . unless . . ._ Carefully, he slid out of bed and tiptoed over to Goku, who looked the perfect picture of being sound asleep. Glancing back and forth, Vegeta took a deep breath and shouted, "Wake up Kakarot! It's time to train! Get your ass out of bed!" When Goku just turned on his side, Vegeta grinned and rubbed his hands together. _All right, now for the deciding test._ He took another deep breath and screamed in an imitation of Chi-Chi's voice, "Go-kuuu! Get out of bed! It's eleven in the morning on a weekday! What kind of example are you setting for your sons!? They're going to become delinquents! Goku, are you listening to me!? This is your psycho-bitch of a wife talking to you! Goku! Goku!"

Goku mumbled and began to snore.

_Success!_ Vegeta did a little dance around Goku's sleeping form and ran out of the room, shutting the door tightly before he scrambled up the ladder and booted up the gravity generator. Setting the controls for 300G, he chuckled and powered up to Super Saiyan. His hands continued to twitch, not only from the medicine but also from excitement. _Become an invalid, my ass!_ he thought, laughing to himself. _I have enough energy now to last a whole year! Another success for the Prince of Saiyans!_ And with that, he launched into his training routine.

* * *

Uh-oh. Vegeta's gonna feel this in the morning. ^_^ Oh, and though I'm sure you already know this, in real life, second-guessing your doctor about medication can have dire consequences; Vegeta's alive only because he's an animated character who happens to be immortal at the moment. Besides, if I had him overdose and go into a coma, then the story would kinda lose its funny. *shrug* But enough lecturing, "The Fine Print" will continue in Chapter 5: "Deep Space Sickness! Now with 60% more Bizarre Hallucinations!" See you then!


	5. Chapter 5: Deep Space Sickness! Now wi...

Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and related characters are copyrighted by Bird Studios/Shueisha, Toei Animation. Licensed by FUNimation Productions, Inc. Of course I'm using everything without permission. You think the companies would actually give me the thumbs-up to write this fic?

Author's Note: Oh, it's been a long time, I know. But I had writer's block in addition to summer class, a part-time job, and new computer games, and after a long day, playing games mindlessly is a lot more appealing than trying to solve problems on my fic. I'm sure most of you can relate. Fortunately, my class is over now, and I've been tackling this story since. There will be one more chapter after this one, and then "The Fine Print" will be complete.

On another topic, a person named "i forgot" made a point in his/her review that Goku teleported to New Namek to get Dende in the Cell Saga. Uhmm . . . I kinda forgot about that. ^_^; When the Supreme Kai teleported Goku in the Buu Saga, I forgot that they were teleporting from the Kai's planet, not Earth ('cause it was blown up and all), and it was that problem that made Goku rely on the Supreme Kai to teleport him to New Namek. So, Goku's statement in my third chapter that New Namek is out of his range wouldn't be accurate . . . _but_ it could possibly work with Insta-Loophole™! After all, in chapter three Goku _did _mention that because he sparred with Vegeta all the time that he wasn't practicing long-distance teleportation, so possibly, he could be _so_ out-of-practice that he could not confidently teleport to New Namek without making a mistake, right? Right? *sighs* Well . . . it could work.

The Fine Print

Chapter 5: Deep Space Sickness! Now with 60% more Bizarre Hallucinations!

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!_

Goku reached over and fumbled with his alarm clock. Being the Saiyan that he was, however, he ended up crushing the clock in his hand as he tried to switch it off. Opening his eyes, he looked over at the remains and sighed. "Nuts. That's the third one so far. I gotta be more careful." Yawning, he got out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. When he re-emerged, he was drying his face off with a towel and feeling far more alert. "Hey, Vegeta," he called, putting the towel over his shoulder. "Wake up! It's— " He stopped, realizing that the other Saiyan's bed was empty. "Vegeta?" He glanced around, starting to worry. "Vedge, where are you?" He poked his head into the kitchen but found it empty. Of course, that left only one place left . . .

"Oh no," Goku said out loud to himself as he climbed the ladder to the main deck. "He probably woke up early to train and— " His eyes widened in shock when he found Vegeta. The prince was lying prone on the floor, one hand extended towards the gravity generator, which hummed at 300G.

"Vegeta!" Goku shouted in alarm, running over to the other Saiyan. "Are you awake? Can you hear me?" He shook Vegeta a bit but produced no response. "Oh, Vegeta, why didn't you wait for me?" He got up and turned the gravity generator off. He started going back to Vegeta, but stopped when the computer tonelessly announced: "Reverting back to normal gravity. Elapsed session time: 8 hours. Thank you for training with Capsule Corp."

"Eight hours?" Goku repeated in confusion. "But I turned it off before we went to bed . . ." His eyes widened in realization. "He never went to sleep! He must have waited until I was asleep, then came up here and— " He pouted in anger. "Vegeta!" He crouched beside the prince and sat him up. Shaking him repeatedly, Goku said, "You tricked me! Wake up! Vegeta!"

Vegeta groaned and weakly opened his eyes. Dizzy and disoriented, he tried to look around but kept slipping in and out of consciousness as his head snapped back and forth. Realizing what he was doing was counterproductive, Goku stopped shaking Vegeta and just kept him propped up. Vegeta's eyes opened again and looked up at Goku. "Kaa . . ." Vegeta said faintly, recognizing the other Saiyan. "Ka . . . ro . . ."

Trying to maintain a disciplinary attitude, Goku frowned and said, "Look what you did to yourself! We weren't supposed to train at all, but I thought a little would be okay— and it was— but you had to go and overdo it! What were you thinking?"

Vegeta squinted, trying to focus his eyes. "Kaa . . ."

Feeling his resolve weaken, Goku let go of his anger and sighed. "Oh, Vegeta . . ." He propped the prince up against the gravity generator. "Okay, you stay right here; I'm gonna bring up your medicine for you. Okay?"

Vegeta's head lolled to the side, and the prince raised a feeble hand towards Goku. "Kakaro . . . ?"

Goku finally broke down. "Oh, Vedge, I'm so sorry!" he cried, grabbing Vegeta and crushing him against his chest. "I should've kept a closer eye on you! Now you're hurt and barely conscious, and it's all my fault! Can you ever forgive me!?" He pulled back to look at Vegeta, who was now blue in the face and not breathing, courtesy of Goku's affection. "Oh no! Vedge!" Goku shook Vegeta frantically, and was relieved when the other Saiyan sucked in a lungful of air and started breathing again. Embarrassed, Goku sat Vegeta down again and stood up. "Uh, I'll get your medicine now." He ran over to the ladder and jumped down to the bottom deck, then hurried over to Vegeta's belongings. Among Vegeta's clothes, he found a box that he guessed the hypodermic needles were in, but he was not sure.

_I guess I should probably check it before I toss it upstairs to him . . . but if I'm right, then there are _needles_ in it . . ._ Goku swallowed, looking at the box with apprehension and wringing his hands. _They're gonna be sharp and real and— NO! Vegeta needs help now! I have to . . ._ He unlatched the lid and started to lift it open. _Just think of Vedge and how much he needs me right now,_ he told himself. _Just— _ He saw the contents and screamed. "NEEDLES!" Tossing the box, he bolted into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, putting a barrier between him and the sharp atrocities in the other room. Leaning back against the door, he put a hand to his chest as he tried to catch his breath. "Well . . . that didn't work . . . now what am I going to do?"

* * *

Vegeta blinked, groaning as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. He knew that he was on the main deck of the ship, but the incredible pressure that had been so overwhelming for so long was gone now. He had seen Goku in his field of vision a few times, so he surmised that the other Saiyan had turned off the gravity generator. Goku was gone now, and Vegeta felt more clear-headed, but his body hurt all over and he was immensely exhausted and dizzy.

_Why am I so weak now?_ Vegeta thought, letting his head roll of its own free will because he could not exert enough strength to control it. _I . . . I felt fine last night . . . and . . . and where did Kakarot go?_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

The sudden screaming sent a shot of adrenaline through Vegeta and sharpened his senses a bit. _Kakarot? What's wrong with him?_

The screaming started getting louder and closer, and suddenly Goku jumped up onto the main deck, holding a pair of kitchen tongs as far away from his body as possible. In the tongs' pincers was a hypodermic needle.

"AAHHH! AAHHH! AAHHH!" Goku rushed over to Vegeta and dropped the needle in his lap. "TAKEITTAKE ITTAKEIT, VEGETA!" Before Vegeta could try to say or do anything, Goku turned and dove down to the bottom deck. A pounding of feet could be heard as he rushed to the bathroom, most likely to lock himself inside again.

Vegeta looked down at the syringe lying in his lap and smiled when he recognized the vitamin concentrate. _Ah, Kakarot, why thank you. I would possibly say that to your face, but you're too busying cowering in fear in the bathroom. Oh, well._ With painful slowness, he reached down and uncapped the needle. Tugging weakly on his pant's leg, he tried to pull it away, then gave up, pushing the needle through the fabric of his training outfit and into his thigh. He swayed unsteadily while he forced the medication into his body, hoping that he had not pushed himself past the point of recovery last night. Fortunately, fate seemed to be on his side, and he started to feel strengthened and more alert. Unfortunately, just like the previous night, he still felt remaining traces of weakness and exhaustion, but this time they were worse. He debated trying to take another dose of the concentrate, but did not want to push his luck, considering how much strain it had put on his body last night. He would just have to rest a while and take another dose in the afternoon.

_Damn,_ Vegeta thought, growling as he slowly pushed himself to his feet, using the generator for support. _This is not how I wanted to spend my day. And knowing Kakarot, he'll start doting over me like I'm some kind of child . . . I better get downstairs and go to sleep before he has the chance._ He walked over to the ladder and carefully got on the first rung, then started working his way down. He was almost near the bottom when a voice shouted, "Vegeta!" Startled, Vegeta lost his grip and fell, but a pair of arms caught him before he hit the ground. Considering there was only one other person on the ship, he was quite sure who they belonged to.

"Whoopsie!" Goku said cheerfully. "You need to be careful! I sensed your ki moving towards here, so I came out of the bathroom. Good thing, too, or you might've gotten hurt!"

Vegeta bristled like an angry cat and started trying to free himself from Goku. Finding he was too weak to do so, he settled for hitting the other Saiyan in the face. "Put me _down_, Kakarot!"

Uninjured, Goku smiled and caught Vegeta's fist. "Whoa, careful there, captain. You don't want to wear yourself out anymore than you already are."

"Stop patronizing me!" Vegeta shouted, struggling anew. "I want to go to bed!"

Goku brightened in amazement. "Wow! That's the first agreeable thing I've heard you say during the whole trip! No prob, I'll put you to bed!" Before Vegeta could protest, Goku carried him into the sleeping area and laid him down on his mattress. "Do you want me to get your pajamas?"

Feeling embarrassed and humiliated, but mostly angry, Vegeta turned away from Goku and yanked the covers over his head. "No! Now go away, you third-class piece of trash! And if you touch me again, I'll rip off your fingers and gouge out your eyes with them, understand!?"

The threat had been meant to hurt Goku, to anger him, or at least to get across how much Vegeta hated being treated this way. However, the cheerful smile was still very much evident in Goku's voice when the taller Saiyan said, "Righto, Vedge! Have a good nap!"

Vegeta sighed in defeat. _No one takes me seriously._ Closing his eyes and trying to ignore his hurt ego— which ached just as much as the rest of his body right now— he settled down to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he was starting to drift off into a pleasant slumber when a voice called, "Follow me! This way!"

Vegeta snapped his eyes open and growled in irritation. _What now!? Dammit, I was almost asleep! Stupid Kakarot!_

"Hmm, I think we go this way," the voice commented. "Actually, I'm not sure . . . maybe we should ask for directions."

Vegeta widened his eyes. That was _not _Goku's voice. Cautiously, he pulled the covers down so he could see. _Don't tell me that our ship has been boarded; I'm in no condition to fight!_ He looked around, then jerked back when he saw a bunch of small objects sitting next to him on his mattress. His jaw dropped when he realized what they were. "Senzu beans?!?"

One of the beans turned towards Vegeta. "Hello, there!" it squeaked. "We're lost! You wouldn't happen to know where we could find a Prince Vegeta around here, would you?"

Vegeta blinked incredulously and rubbed his eyes, but the beans were still there. Uncertainly, he said, "Uh . . . I'm Prince Vegeta."

"Score!" the beans cried in unison. The first bean hopped excitedly and said, "Great! Korin sent us. We're leftovers he found behind his refrigerator. We're here to help you!"

Vegeta glanced around. "I have to be dreaming. Wait— " he slammed his fist into his gut and doubled over in pain. "Yes, I'm awake! This is real!" He started reaching for the senzu beans, then stopped. "Wait a second, senzu beans can't talk! This must be some sort of trick! The only other person here is Kakarot, but why would he want to trick me? Granted, we _are _rivals, but he sees me so much as some sort of companion that I would never think it in him to plot against me— " he grinned, "— and that of course will be his downfall— so it has to be the work of someone else, like . . ." His eyes shot wide. "Bulma! That woman probably has a hand in this, and probably that stupid Namek and his runty friend and— "

The senzus looked at each other impatiently. "Hey," the first bean asked the rambling prince, "are you going to eat us or what?"

"NO!" Vegeta shouted, pointing a finger at the beans. "You are some sort of an illusion devised by my enemies to make a fool out of me! Be gone with you, vile beans!"

The senzu beans looked at each other again, then shrugged. "Fine, have it your way," the first bean said, then turned towards its comrades. "Come on, guys, let's go help Goku! He got kicked in the low zone!" As if on cue, the other beans snapped into military formation. An ever-ready general, the first bean took his place at the front. "To Goku's crotch! Ma-arch!"

"No! Wait!" Vegeta cried as the beans started hopping away. "I'm sorry! Come back! I'll eat you!" He scrambled after them, but they picked up the pace and evaded his reach. Summoning a burst of energy, he lunged past them and shut the door to the kitchen. "HA HA!" he crowed down at them. "Look who's trapped now!"

The beans skidded to a halt, suddenly panicked. "Ahh!" the first bean cried. "Retreat! Retreat!" The group broke up and started racing around the room. Vegeta chased after them, grinning sadistically. "Come back here!"

* * *

Goku was doing sit-ups in 300G when he heard shouting and banging from the lower deck. Immediately— and understandably— worried, he turned off the generator and jumped down into the kitchen. "Vegeta!" he cried, running over to the door to the sleeping area and throwing it open. "Are you all— " His eyes shot wide. "Vegeta?!?"

Vegeta looked up from where he crouched on the floor, chewing on the fingers on his left hand. "Kakarot!" he said with a smile, holding up his mangled hand. "Look what I found! Senzu beans! You better catch one before they all run out the door!"

Goku blinked, confused and worried. "What?"

Vegeta shrugged in an "I-give-up" manner. "Okay, fine. I'm in a good mood right now. You can have one of mine, even though I still don't think you need it." He started twisting one of his fingers, trying to break off the top joint.

Goku yelped in horror at Vegeta's self-destructive behavior. "Ahh! What are you doing!?" He rushed over and grabbed Vegeta's left wrist, pulling the injured hand away from the prince's determined grip. "You're hurting yourself!"

"Oh, just ignore their squealing," Vegeta said, trying to reach for his hand again. "They _said_ they wanted to help us. Too bad for them if they've changed their minds now."

Goku could not understand what he was hearing. Squealing senzu beans? What was Vegeta talking about? The only thing that Goku could see was that the other Saiyan was trying to eat his own hand. "Vedge," he said, keeping Vegeta away from his mangled hand, "there aren't any senzu beans here. You're hallucinating again. For real this time!"

Vegeta frowned, his good mood vanishing. "I am not! And what did I tell you about treating me like I'm crazy!?"

Goku moved to the side to avoid any direct hits to his groin that Vegeta might attempt. "I know, but there aren't any senzus here. And your hand is empty, too. You're just trying to eat your fingers!" He held Vegeta's hand up so that the other Saiyan could see it clearly. "Look. See, it's just your hand!"

Vegeta scowled angrily. "Listen, you boob, I'm tired of you treating me like some kind of babbling idiot! I'm the prince of the entire Saiyan race and I know perfectly well what I'm looking a— " his eyes practically bugged out of his head. "AHH! What the hell happened to my fingers!?"

"You were chewing on them," Goku replied and let go of Vegeta's hand, sensing that the prince had become lucid again. "And then you tried to rip one of them off. I think you broke it."

Vegeta shook his head in disbelief, gazing at his injured hand. "No, I found senzu beans, I _know_ I did . . . I was holding them in my hand . . ." He looked up at Goku, a desperate gleam in his eyes. "I could _taste _them, Kakarot! They were real!"

Goku gave Vegeta a sad smile and shook his head. "Sorry, Vedge."

Vegeta kept looking at Goku for a few seconds, then visibly deflated and turned away. He was silent for a moment, then suddenly declared, "It doesn't matter! One hallucination means nothing! I've just been on this ship with you for too long. Now, if I start seeing that pervert Roshi wearing a bikini, then I'll know I'm cracking up."

Goku nodded, smiling. "That's right. Be optimistic!"

Pleased with himself, Vegeta smirked and began walking towards the kitchen.

"Hey, where ya going?" Goku asked, confused.

Vegeta started climbing the ladder to the main deck. "To train, what else?"

Goku was incredulous. "What!? Vegeta, that's what caused all your problems this morning!"

Vegeta kept climbing. "Oh, get a grip. I'll tone things down a bit. There's nothing else to do on this ship, anyway."

"What about the board games?" Goku asked, watching Vegeta disappear through the hole.

"Kakarot, those things can bite my ass for all I care. I'm training, and that's— AIIIIIEEE!"

Goku snapped to attention. "Vegeta, what's wr— " He was cut off by the other Saiyan flying back down the ladder and hiding behind him. He looked down at the cowering prince. "Vegeta?"

Vegeta stared into space, shaking in shock. ". . . Roshi . . . _bikini_ . . ."

Goku furrowed his eyebrows, feeling a sense of foreboding. "Oh boy."

* * *

Not too long afterwards, Vegeta sat across from Goku, staring with an obvious lack of interest at the Candyland board on the card table between them. Blissfully unaware of Vegeta's boredom, Goku picked up a card from the deck to the side.

"Yes! Blue!" Goku said, moving his gingerbread man playing piece to the next blue square on the board. "Heehee, I'm ahead of you now, Vedge!"

Vegeta knew the comment was an attempt on Goku's part to spark his ego's defenses, but he did not react the way he usually would have. He was far too exhausted. "Good for you, Kakarot," he said sarcastically. "Would you like a cookie?"

Goku's face lit up. "Really?"

"No."

Goku's face fell in disappointment. "Nuts." His smile returned a second later when he said, "Your turn, Vedge! Pick a card!" When Vegeta just stared at the board, Goku waved his hand in front of the other Saiyan's face. "'ello? Veggie? You okay?"

Vegeta narrowed his eyes and frowned. "First of all, Kakarot, if you keep calling me by any sort of affectionate nicknames, I shall take these plastic cookie men and shove them up your nose. And second, I want you to stop asking me every ten seconds if I feel all right. I am simply fatigued. That is all." The lack of enraged fury in his voice seemed to confuse Goku, so he worked up some energy and shouted, "UNDERSTAND!?"

Goku blinked in surprise, then smiled. "Okay!"

Vegeta shook his head in exasperation and picked a card from the deck. There was some sort of heart-shaped candy on it. He raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Uh-oh," Goku sang playfully, looking at the card. "You have to go _allllll_ the way back to the Candy Hearts! That's at the beginning of the game! And past the Rainbow Trail shortcut!"

Vegeta watched the other Saiyan push his playing piece to the candy heart space and sighed. "I hate this game."

"Oh cheer up," Goku said, picking a card for himself. "This is fun! It has so many colors and pictures of _candy_ and— OW!"

"Muscle spasm," Vegeta lied, tucking his leg back under his chair. "I must have pulled something last night."

Goku blinked, rubbing his leg, which actually did not hurt all that much. "Again? Hmm. Maybe you're not stretching enough before you train. I remember the one time I forgot to stretch before training and I got the _worst_ charlie horse later. It hurt so much, it felt like my leg was— OW!"

Vegeta smiled inwardly, starting to enjoy himself. "Oops, there it goes again."

Deciding it would be the best for the welfare of his shins to drop the subject, Goku whimpered and looked at his card. His face instantly brightened. "Ooh, Ice Cream Floats!" He moved his piece to the correct spot. "Wow, I'm winning even more now!"

Vegeta sighed and rested his head on his good hand. With two of the unbroken fingers on his other hand, he picked another card from the draw pile. The card had a yellow square on it. He put it on the table. "Yellow."

Goku moved Vegeta's little blue gingerbread man to the next yellow space. "Oh, don't look so down, Vedge," he said cheerfully. "Remember, slow and steady wins the race. You could beat me."

"Right," Vegeta said sarcastically. "Now stop trying to give me pep talks and just pick a card so we can get this dumb game over with."

Goku shrugged and picked a card. "Ooh, purple." He moved his piece. It was then that Vegeta noticed that the other Saiyan was squirming in his seat. Before he could inquire anything, Goku pushed back his chair and stood up.

"Take your turn," Goku said. "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute."

Vegeta scowled, irritated. "Can't you hold it until we finish this game, so I can knock myself unconscious and forget that I'm on this damn ship?"

Obviously misinterpreting Vegeta's request as a fear of separation, Goku smiled reassuringly and patted Vegeta on the head. "Don't worry, Vegeta. It'll just be a _little_ while. I'd hold it, but it hurts too much."

Vegeta pushed Goku's hand away and frowned. "Kakarot, come on, you can't be _that_ injured. You were Super Saiyan _3_ when I hit you, remember?"

Goku shrugged. "Yeah, but it's been about three days since you hurt me and I'm still all bruised down there and I keep peeing blood and— "

Disgusted, Vegeta covered his face with one hand and waved the other one in a dismissive gesture. "Fine, fine, go to the bathroom." _And you better wash your hands, baka, or you'll be _spitting up_ blood, too, when I'm done with you._ As Goku climbed down to the lower deck, Vegeta half-heartedly picked a game card and moved his playing piece to the appropriate space. "Screw the 'slow and steady,'" Vegeta muttered, looking at the board. "Kakarot's miles ahead of me . . . and I don't even know why I care. This is just a stupid child's game."

"Hey, yo!" the blue gingerbread man called up to Vegeta. "Who are you calling 'stupid?'"

Vegeta widened his eyes in surprise, then squeezed them shut in disbelief. _I did _not_ just hear that plastic cookie thing talk . . ._

"What? You're gonna ignore me?" The gingerbread man marched up to Vegeta and gave his hand a shove. "Hey, I'm talking to you, shorty."

Vegeta opened his eyes and stared in disbelief and horror at the game piece. He glanced at the ladder to the bottom deck, debating calling Goku from the bathroom. After all, the last time Goku had come, the hallucination had stopped . . .

_No, that will just give him more reason to coddle me!_ Vegeta thought. _I'm the Prince of Saiyans! I need _no one's_ help!_ Taking a deep breath, he looked down at the gingerbread man and frowned. "What the hell do you want, plastic thing?"

The gingerbread man frowned back, putting its stubby hands on its hips. "You keep insulting this game, bud, and we don't appreciate it."

Vegeta raised an eyebrow in confusion. "We? And just who might you be referring t— " He stopped, noticing that the three other gingerbread game pieces were standing behind the blue one and mirroring its stance. He smirked. "Oh my, what a _big_ army you have, mister cookie. Whatever are you going to _do_ with all of them?"

The gingerbread man smirked back. "Go ahead, laugh it up, twerp. 'Cause you be doing plenty of that soon . . . when we tickle you 'til you piss your pants!"

Vegeta had just enough time to look surprised before the gingerbread men leapt at him. He tried to swat them away, but two of them managed to dodge the blow and land on him. They immediately slid under his shirt and started heading for his sides.

"Hey!" Vegeta stood up, knocking his chair back and scrambling to locate the gingerbread men. "Get out of my shirt, you— AHH! You little freaks, you pinched me!" He fumbled, trying to pull off his shirt. Meanwhile, the other two gingerbread men had not only recovered and ran back over to him, but scurried up his pants' legs.

"AIEEE!" Vegeta fell on the ground and struggled to get off his pants. "You damn little perverts! Leave me alone!" He finally tore off his clothes and pitched them across the room. In mid-air, the gingerbread men jumped out of the pants back towards him, so he threw out his hand and charged up a ki-blast. The two playing pieces shrieked in horror, and the next moment were reduced to ash. Without wasting any time, Vegeta yanked off his tank top and threw it on the ground. However, the other two gingerbread men, who were much more resourceful than their incinerated brethren, clung stubbornly to Vegeta's sides and began to tickle him mercilessly.

"AHH! EEEE! AIEEE! Stop it!" Vegeta clawed at the game pieces, trying to pull them off. Agile as they were, though, they evaded his reach, running up and down his torso and even through the hole in the middle of it. Fed up and frustrated, Vegeta charged up and threw off the gingerbread men with the force of his aura. The game pieces managed to squeak out "uh-oh" before Vegeta grabbed them with his good hand and smashed them to pieces on the ground. Panting in exhaustion, Vegeta slowly got to his feet and surveyed the damage from his battle: the card table and chairs upended and burnt, floor tiles cracked, scattered cards black and smoldering, and of course, the remains of the last two gingerbread men strewn on the ground.

"YES!" Vegeta crowed, flashing a victory sign. "I am TRIUMPHANT! Another conquest for the almighty Prince of Saiyans!"

"Hey, are you okay?" Goku asked, popping up from the lower deck. "I felt your ki fluctuate a lot and— " He stopped, eyes wide in shock. "Um, Vedge, do you realize you have no clothes on?"

Vegeta squinted in confusion, then looked down at himself. "GAAHHHH!" He grabbed the Candyland board off the floor and held it up in front of himself. Blushing all the way up to his hairline, he tried to looked dignified and failed miserably. "Hello there, Kakarot. Did you suitably relieve yourself?"

Goku walked towards Vegeta, looking around at the mess the prince had managed to make in less than five minutes. "Yeah, but I'm thinking maybe I should've held it." He smiled at Vegeta. "Aw, did you see something scary in your head again?"

"It was not 'in my head,'" Vegeta said, puffing up in defense. "Those stupid gingerbread fiends attacked me, and I don't care if you think it was a hallucination. It was _very_ real. I have _pinch_-marks. Those bastards _pinched_ me."

Goku did not look swayed. "You could have pinched yourself and _thought_ it was a gingerbread man. Your mind's playing tricks on you, so you think it's real. That's what _makes_ it a hallucination." He smiled and nodded, pleased with his logic.

Vegeta growled. "How would you know, baka!? You weren't here when they attacked me! For all you know, I could have just destroyed some evil alien shapeshifters! You should thank me!"

Goku scratched his head in thought. "Actually, I think I should get you your medicine. I bet you keep seeing things because you're running out of energy." He smiled cheerfully. "And I'll get you your clothes and some ice for your pinched nipple. 'Kay?"

"No!" Vegeta protested. "I can get what I need without your help." He walked sideways to the ladder, keeping the Candyland board securely in front of him. "I'm the Prince of Saiyans, and I'm immortal now. I don't want anyone's assistance, nor do I need it. Understand?"

Goku cautiously watched Vegeta back up and feel for the first ladder rung with his foot. "Okay, but— "

"No! No 'buts!' I want you to leave me alone!" He located the first rung and stepped onto it. "I am not some sort of child. I am independent and _older_ than you, as a matter of fact, and I— AHH!" Losing his balance, he slipped and fell backwards off the ladder. Goku ran forward and tried to grab the Saiyan prince. "Vegeta!"

_KRAK!_

Goku winced, then tentatively called to the lower level, "Hey Vedge? Are you okay?"

The was silence, then a weak voice said, "Shut the hell up."

* * *

"There you go," Goku said, finishing tying the splint he had improvised from strips of Vegeta's old tank top and cut sections of the Candyland board. "How do you feel?"

Vegeta glared at Goku from where he lay on his mattress. "I just broke my arm and my back. How do you think I feel?"

"Numb?" Goku offered.

Vegeta sighed, closing his eyes. "I swear, if I wasn't paralyzed from the waist down, I'd get up and headbutt you until your skull broke apart like the empty melon it is."

As always, Goku was unfazed by Vegeta's threats. "Well, just try to relax," he said, pulling the covers up to the middle of Vegeta's chest. "I know you're feeling very vulnerable right now because you're injured and I had to fix your boo-boos and put clothes on you, but don't feel bad."

Vegeta opened his eyes and looked at Goku skeptically. "And why not?"

Goku readjusted Vegeta's limbs into more comfortable positions. "Because I'm here, and I won't let anything take advantage of you." He smiled comfortingly. "I'll stay right here and take care of you. I promise."

Taken aback, Vegeta stared up at Goku, trying to think of something to say in response to the other Saiyan's touching remarks. "I, uh . . ."

"So let's have a sing-a-long!" Goku declared, clapping and smiling gleefully.

If Vegeta had not been lying down already, he would have fallen over. "What?!?"

"Even though you're all hurt, we can still have a lot of fun!" Goku continued, excited. "We can tell stories, sing songs, and share embarrassing secrets with each other! And I bet we could still play some games, like Monopoly Junior! You could roll the die with your teeth or something!"

_NOOOO!_ Vegeta mentally screamed. Panicking, he tried to use his unbroken arm (which, ironically, was the one with the broken fingers) to drag himself off the mattress and escape, but he was too weak and injured to get far. Stubborn as he was, though, he kept at it, panting and trying his darndest to get away.

"But first, I think you should get some rest," Goku said, gently taking Vegeta's arm and placing it back where it was before. "You have to conserve your energy. After all we still have what? Two-and-a-half days left before we reach New Namek? So, I think— "

Vegeta froze, feeling like a popped balloon. Two-and-a-half days?!? It already felt like he had been on this ship for a thousand years! Two-and-a-half more days would be an eternity! He could not last that long! Not here, not injured like this, and _not_ with _Goku_!

"— so you can sleep a bit now," Goku said, "then I'll wake you up and we can decide what to do first." He smiled cheerfully. "Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Panicked, depressed, and overwhelmed all at the same time, Vegeta stared up at Goku with terror. Fun? _Fun!?_ What kind of twisted creature was Goku to think that any of this would be fun!? Unless . . . this was some kind of hallucination . . . but what if it was real? And how could he even tell? Vegeta's eyes wavered as the complexity of the situation sunk into his mind. Despairing, he began to whimper.

"Vedge?" Goku asked, patting Vegeta on the head and waiting for an answer. "Vedge?"

Coming out of his thoughts, Vegeta focused frightened eyes back on Goku's anxious face. Goku looked at him carefully. "Vedge?"

Vegeta looked at him for a moment, then smiled. His whimpers gradually turned to chuckles, then uncontrollable giggles. Goku smiled, petting Vegeta affectionately. Though Vegeta was exhausted, paralyzed, and racked with pain, he giggled nonetheless at Goku's happy visage. "Yes, Kakarot. It sounds _wonderful_."

* * *

Aw, poor Veggie. I'm sure he'll never wish for anything for himself after this. :) To be concluded (yes, that's right folks! Concluded!) in Chapter 6: "New Namek! And Just in Time!"


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